The art of saying no
A clear ‘no’ now is kinder than a resentful yes later
Saying ‘no’ can feel uncomfortable, especially if you are used to keeping the peace. This resource helps you say no clearly, kindly, and without turning it into a long apology.
Why this matters
‘No’ is part of healthy relationships. It lets people know what you can do, what you cannot do, and what matters to you. When you never say ‘no’, you can end up tired, resentful, or not able to meet your own needs.
Saying ‘no’ isn’t selfish. It is honest. It also gives other people a real chance to know you, instead of only knowing the version of you who says yes to everything.
What good looks like
A good ‘no’ is clear, respectful, and firm. You can be kind without being unclear. You can care about someone and still have a limit. The aim is not to make everyone happy. The aim is to be honest while treating people with respect.
Try this
Not sure what to say or where to start? Try using one of these lines next time you want to say ‘no’.
“No thank you, I have other plans.”
“I can’t do that this week.”
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m going to pass.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I’m not available, but I hope it goes well.”
What to avoid
Saying ‘yes’ and hoping you can get out of it later.
Over-explaining and giving a fake excuse that can be argued with.
Over-apologising until your ‘no’ sounds like a maybe.
Waiting until you are angry before you finally speak up.
What a good response to your ‘no’ looks like
A healthy response to a boundary is respect, even if the other person feels disappointed. Someone does not have to like your answer, but they should accept it without pressure, guilt, anger or repeated attempts to change your mind.
A good response sounds like: “No worries,” “Thanks for being honest,” or “I understand.”
When someone does not take ‘no’ for an answer
If someone keeps pushing after you have been clear, it is okay to repeat yourself without over-explaining.
You do not need to convince someone that your boundary is reasonable for it to matter. If the pressure continues, creating distance, ending the conversation, or seeking support may be the safest and healthiest option.
How someone responds to your boundaries is useful information for you. A person who repeatedly ignores, argues with, or pushes against your ‘no’ is showing you something important about how they handle respect, consent and accountability. That is not someone you want close in your life.
Want to learn more?
Explore more practical tools for communication, boundaries and respectful relationships in the Lu Helpful Tips collection.
Lu is also developing a practical guide with more tools, examples and support around everyday communication, boundaries and respectful relationships. Join our email list for updates and early access when it becomes available.
Need support now?
If you or someone else needs support now, consider reaching out to these services to talk to someone.
Lifeline - 24/7 confidential support: 13 11 14 or visit www.lifeline.org.au
Kids Helpline - Confidential 24/7 counselling service for anyone aged 5 to 25. Call 1800 55 1800 or visit kidshelpline.com.au.
13 YARN - National crisis support line for mob who are feeling overwhelmed or having a hard time: 13 92 67
Q Life - Anonymous and free LGBTQIA+ peer support and referral: 1800 184 527
MensLine - Free telephone and online counselling for men anywhere, anytime: 1300 789 978 or visit mensline.org.au
1800RESPECT - Sexual assault, domestic or family violence support: 1800 737 732 or visit 1800respect.org.au
