How to make friends as an adult
Most friendships start smaller than people think
Making friends as an adult can feel awkward because there is no school bell or shared lunch break bringing people together. This resource gives you small, practical ways to build friendship without forcing it.
Why making friends as an adult can feel hard
As adults, friendship usually takes more effort and intention. People are busy, tired, moving through life changes, or stuck in routines. Unlike school or university, there are fewer places where you naturally see the same people every day. That doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It usually means friendship needs more repetition, follow-up, and patience than people expect.
Most adult friendships don’t begin with instant closeness. They usually begin with repeated small interactions, familiar faces, small talk, shared routines, and small moments of trust built over time.
Closeness is often built, not found instantly.
Why this matters
Adult friendship often grows through repeated, low-pressure contact. It is less about finding your perfect people straight away and more about creating chances for connection to build. Many people are lonely, busy, or out of practice. That means small invitations and steady follow-up can matter more than you think.
What good looks like
Making friends looks like showing up regularly, being open to small talk, asking simple questions, and taking small risks. You do not need to be the most interesting person in the room. You need to be present, respectful, and willing to try again. Friendship often grows more easily when there is something to do together. Shared activities can reduce pressure because the focus is not only on conversation.
Try this
Not sure what to say or where to start? Try this next time you want to find a new friend.
Choose a place you go regularly: for example a class, gym, volunteering shift, local event, walking group, or hobby night.
Use a simple opener: “How long have you been coming here?”
Follow up lightly: “I’m grabbing coffee after this if you want to join?”
Organise another time to hang out: Notice shared interests and suggest something specific.
Be patient: Familiarity often comes before closeness.
Helpful tips for when you are trying to make new friends:
Remember something small they mentioned and ask about it later or the next time you see them.
Send the meme, article, or song you said you would send.
Say hello when you see them instead of waiting for them to approach first.
Invite people to do ordinary, day to day things with you, not just big plans.
What to avoid
Expecting instant best-friend energy.
Waiting for other people to make every move.
Oversharing too early to speed up closeness.
Trying to force closeness too quickly because you feel lonely.
Taking one missed invite as proof they do not like you.
Remember
Healthy friendship is not one person doing all the work. Notice who follows up, asks questions back, remembers things about you, or makes space for you too.
Want to learn more?
Explore more practical tools for communication, boundaries and respectful relationships in the Lu Helpful Tips collection.
Lu is also developing a practical guide with more tools, examples and support around everyday communication, boundaries and respectful relationships. Join our email list for updates and early access when it becomes available.
Need support now?
If you or someone else needs support now, consider reaching out to these services to talk to someone.
Lifeline - 24/7 confidential support: 13 11 14 or visit www.lifeline.org.au
Kids Helpline - Confidential 24/7 counselling service for anyone aged 5 to 25. Call 1800 55 1800 or visit kidshelpline.com.au.
13 YARN - National crisis support line for mob who are feeling overwhelmed or having a hard time: 13 92 67
Q Life - Anonymous and free LGBTQIA+ peer support and referral: 1800 184 527
MensLine - Free telephone and online counselling for men anywhere, anytime: 1300 789 978 or visit mensline.org.au
1800RESPECT - Sexual assault, domestic or family violence support: 1800 737 732 or visit 1800respect.org.au
