What to say when someone isn’t interested
HINT: The best response makes the other person glad they were honest
Sometimes someone will tell you directly that they are not interested. Other times they will say it softly because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. This resource helps you to tell when this is happening and gives you simple words to use so you can respond with respect and keep the moment from getting awkward or unsafe.
Why this matters
Many people struggle to say no because they worry about the other person’s reaction or hurting their feelings.
If you respond badly, it can teach people that you are not a safe person and being honesty is risky. If you respond well, you help make dating and social life easier for everyone.
You don’t have to like the answer to respect it. Respect in this situation, means you understand that interest has to be freely given by the other person.
What good looks like
A good response is short, calm, and clear. It accepts the answer without asking the other person to explain, debate, or soften their no. Respect means accepting the other persons answer, not staying around hoping it changes.
Try this
Not sure what to say? Try one of these next time someone isn’t interested.
“No worries. Thanks for being upfront with me.”
“I appreciate you telling me. I hope you have a good night.”
“All good. I respect that.”
“Thanks for being clear. I’ll leave it there.”
If it is someone you already know and you need space, say: “I’m a bit disappointed, but I’m okay. I’ll take a minute.”
Then walk away!
Don’t do this
Say “Are you sure?” when they have already answered.
Make them list reasons for their no.
Call them unkind names or confusing, cold, rude, or picky.
Pretend to be their friend or staying close because you hope they will change their mind.
Want to learn more?
Explore more practical tools for communication, boundaries and respectful relationships in the Lu Helpful Tips collection.
Lu is also developing a practical guide with more tools, examples and support around everyday communication, boundaries and respectful relationships. Join our email list for updates and early access when it becomes available.
Need support now?
If you or someone else needs support now, consider reaching out to these services to talk to someone.
Lifeline - 24/7 confidential support: 13 11 14 or visit www.lifeline.org.au
Kids Helpline - Confidential 24/7 counselling service for anyone aged 5 to 25. Call 1800 55 1800 or visit kidshelpline.com.au.
13 YARN - National crisis support line for mob who are feeling overwhelmed or having a hard time: 13 92 67
Q Life - Anonymous and free LGBTQIA+ peer support and referral: 1800 184 527
MensLine - Free telephone and online counselling for men anywhere, anytime: 1300 789 978 or visit mensline.org.au
1800RESPECT - Sexual assault, domestic or family violence support: 1800 737 732 or visit 1800respect.org.au
